you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
