This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
