My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
