Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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