I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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