Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
