We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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