I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
