just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
