I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
