dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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