I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
