I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
