I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
