new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
