Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
only if we run a train.
done.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
