i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
