OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
