We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
