Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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