im so drunk with asians
where?
always
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
