Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She announced her abortion via fbk
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
