i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
