Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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