The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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