Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
