My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
