Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
