I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
