I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
