yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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