After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
mondays should just be called national damage control day
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
