idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
