If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
