winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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