My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
How external is "for external use only"?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
