I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
