I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We have started to decorate penises.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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