Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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