your room smells of hookers.
And success
one might say we're banned from that church
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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