Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
