My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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