They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
