i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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