Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We got so high we made milksteak
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
