I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
