We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
