just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
