when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
