Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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