my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
