My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
