Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
