I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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