I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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