Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
