No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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