did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
